brad pitt naked

Get a summer body (and other such crap)

Wait, what the fuck is a summer body? Is it better than an Autumn body?

That big glowing ball of light and warmth is warming up the air temperature slightly and so it is time for every magazine and website to start telling us to get ‘beach ready’, get a ‘bikini body’ and starve, scrub, wax and our disgusting Spring bodies to achieve the almighty SUMMER BODY!

Do you know the best way to get a bikini body? It is to put a bikini upon your body… And whether that body is fat or slim, muscly or bony, whether you have scars, stretch marks, a stoma, big boobs, little boobs, no boobs, a big bum, a flat bum, thighs that are tiny or thighs that have some meat on them… Your bikini body will always be better if you feel happy and confident.

bikini body funny

Choose swimwear that makes you feel comfortable and happy.  If that is a thong and nothing else, then hooray! And if it it a vest and shorts then bloody well go for it.

How hard do you have to work to afford a holiday? That one or two weeks should be about relaxing, having fun and enjoying yourself.  With all the pressures we have in day to day life, why the fuck should we be spending time, money and emotional stress on dieting, exercising, exfoliating, waxing, shaving, buffing and primping? Go on your holiday and enjoy it!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight or to get fit.  But do it because you want to be healthier or fitter, or because you would feel better dropping a few pounds.  Don’t do it because the multi billion pound beauty industry use a season of the year to sell extra products by making you feel bad about yourself!

how to wear a bikini body confidence so bad ass

The phrase “are you beach ready?” is being used regularly at the moment, and by that they mean have you poured hot wax onto your skin and then torn the hair from your body, or have you used a sharp blade to scrape every inch of hair from your legs, fanny and armpits… Newsflash! Human bodies are covered in hair! Choosing not to remove it has no relevance to whether you are ready to go on a beach.

Can you imagine a world where it was socially unacceptable for a man to be in public with hair on his legs, armpits or genitals?  No, me neither.  Yet society tells women that it is abhorrent to have hair anywhere but on our heads! If you choose to remove your hair then that is up to you, but if you choose not to then you are open to ridicule and insults.  Remember when Julia Roberts showed her armpit hair and the photos went around the world.  How bloody bizarre!!! Imagine the same thing with a fella? Nope, just wouldn’t happen.

julia roberts armpit hair                           brad pitt naked


Not ok…                                                                                                             Ok…


I came across a particularly vile theme whilst researching this post called #bikinibridge – the aim being to be so thin that your bikini bottoms bridge across your hip bones… Wow! Now some women are naturally thin and this is nothing against them, but to be aiming to lose so much weight that your stomach sits concave to your hips is both unhealthy and terrifying.

bikini bridge

How bloody sad that women will waste their time worrying about how much of a gap their is between their hips and stomach? Man, go learn a language or attend a lecture, go spend time with your friends or read a book.  Ladies, don’t waste your time worrying about making your body look like an underweight child.

Im a size 16 with pubic hair, scars, stretch marks and imperfections.  Do I look like a supermodel on the beach? Hell no! But I tell you, I am grateful for this body, this body that holds me up and keep going despite disease, surgery and missing organs.  This amazing human body is so strong and adaptable, it is a wonder.  So when I go on the beach this year I will be celebrating what a lucky woman I am to be alive and well.  I guarantee I won’t be worrying whether it is ‘beach ready’ or the ‘perfect summer body’.


bikini body so bad ass

It is my body and I am proud! The next time I am in a bikini, I will be having fun and worrying not about whether other people can see my scars, whether other people don’t like the shape of my stomach or the wobble of my ass.

Don’t get sucked in by this annual tripe, it is simply a lazy, easy way to sell magazines and products.  If you are lucky enough to be going on your hols this year, then invest your time and money into something worthwhile.  You are so much more than the size of your thighs or the hairiness of your fanny… The fact that you are well enough to travel, that you have enough spare money to be going on holiday mean you are in a better position than millions of people.  Relish in that and go have fun in your beautiful spring/summer/autumn/winter body.


Sam xxx



24 thoughts on “Get a summer body (and other such crap)

  1. Here here!!!!! What an amazingly strong grounded person you sound Sam 🙂 I have scars on my legs and lymphoedema in my left leg which swells quite bad at times but I simply REFUSE to cover up 🙂 This is my body, it has been to hell and back over the years 😦 if people don’t like to see my scars or my frumpy compression garments then that’s their sad problem, not mine!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Shauna, you have a great attitude! Like you say, when your body has been through so much, it seems so sad that society wants us to be ashamed of it! xx


    • It may have started with a hoax but a quick search of twitter, tumblr and Pinterest come up with thousands of posts by girls wanting this bridge. Either way it sucks that shit like this is out there and WILL affect young girls self esteem and body image. Thanks for the link though! 🙂


      • Yes it’s alarming how the internet/ society seems to be intent on finding more and more ways to make people insecure about themselves. As a dad of 2 (including a 3 year old girl) I’m really concerned about the environment this is creating. Keep up the good work.


  2. Ha, brilliant! My own mum (I’m in my 30s, mum, give up already) says I shouldn’t be “showing off” with stretch marks like I’ve got. But yeah, my body has done me proud over the years, and if it wants some sunshine on it, then it can have it. I’m done with shaving, too, what a waste of time that is. Let’s hear it for all-season bodies!


  3. Brilliantly written as always Sam!

    I don’t have time to worry about what I look like, let alone time to fart around exfoliating and starving myself. As I type, I’m sat on the sofa with unbrushed hair shoved up in a scrunchie, no make up, a top covered in sudocrem and assorted mysterious gunk and a soaking wet skirt and muddy feet from watering the veg beds. My scarred, veiny legs are unshaven, as is my fandango, my boobs droop and my belly has a huge overhang.
    But on my lap lies my baby boy, and my pride and amazement when I look the perfection that this imperfect body created far outweigh any concern about the bits that fall a long way short of ‘perfect’.


  4. Awesome. Never heard of a bikini bridge before – can’t say I’m sad about that. Terrified to be bringing a girl child up in these scary times, but your message is the one I’m talking to her about. (This is all another reason I don’t buy those magazines etc)



  5. The older I get, the less I care about the opinion of complete strangers. I wish I’d known at 16 what I know now, and had been grateful for a strong and healthy body, that experienced no pain except the odd headache or twisted ankle. A body that gets you from a-b is a gift and who cares what it looks like so long as it contains your mind. I won’t be wearing a bikini this Summer mainly because I’m not going abroad, but if I was, I still would be covered up because I burn like a sausage on a grill even on a slightly warm day. Thanks for sharing this, the more women of confidence shout out loud, the more chance we have of getting the message across. We can’t let the only voices being heard be those shouting about how bad we all look. Our bodies are vehicles for who we are, they do not determine what our minds look like.


  6. Pingback: How to get the perfect beach body (with science) – Jumbosky Money

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  9. “I came across a particularly vile theme whilst researching this post called #bikinibridge – the aim being to be so thin that your bikini bottoms bridge across your hip bones… Wow! Now some women are naturally thin and this is nothing against them, but to be aiming to lose so much weight that your stomach sits concave to your hips is both unhealthy and terrifying.”

    Unhealthy? What? Could you support this with science please?

    Do you notice something about those pictures? The models are laying down, which causes your stomach to do this. hahaha, god.


  10. Love this! It’s all about the confidence to do things and say fuck it! In 2010 a turned 40, passed ma driving test and had a hysterectomy. However, the most memorable thing for me was having a shower at Glastonbury. Not because it was actually being clean in a festie…it was communal, no segregated showers. It was a fuck it moment and very liberating. I didn’t think i was capable…but i did it. Dunno what felt better…the fact i was naked in front o 30 strangers, most o which haf the foresight to wear bikinis, or tramping back to the tent in a towel, rocket dogs and clean hair! Thanks Sam…love the blog x


  11. Oooooooh how I love this! I know I’m late to the party as it’s from last year, but I couldn’t agree with you more. Enjoy and love the body you have NOW. Honour it, celebrate it, show it off and just enjoy life! We’re only here once (I think), so who the hell wants to spend it worrying about bloody thigh gaps and the like?! Like you, I’ve got much more important, interesting and fun stuff to do 😉 x P.S Love that last image of you! x


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