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Tales of the embarrassed…

This is for Corinne from the ever awesome Motherhood Journeys who told the twitterland about her having to stick a cardi on as her shopping arrived and she was in her jamas with no bra… (Sorry Corinne but if I’m sharing then so are you!)

Anyway I thought I’d make her feel better by sharing this story. Anyone who knows me is aware I have a million embarrassing tales as in general I am a bit of a fuckwit…

So shortly after the birth of my third child, with my husband working away and my other kids being 2 and 4, we all came down with a tummy bug. I abandoned our usual cloth nappies as there was just So. Much. Shit.

So with two kids in nappies I just tried to muddle through the days. One morning I had changed both kids and lay exhausted on the sofa breast feeding the baby when I heard the bin van.

“Oh shit!” I thought, I haven’t put the bin out!!! So I laid the baby on the mat and went to dash out to drag the bin to the roadside. I was still in my nighty but I didn’t care, the bin was full of nappies and had to go.

As I went to run I stood in a shit filled nappy I had put beside the sofa after I’d changed the kids and then quickly fed Thom as he was screaming. I skidded across the floor, shit shooting UP my leg and ran outside like a maniac.

The bin men looked up in shock at a mad woman running towards them dragging a wheelie bin with shit up her leg!

“Don’t judge me!” I shouted. “The kids are ill!! There’s shit everywhere!!!!”

It was at that point I realised my left breast was hanging outside my nighty swinging in the breeze for all the world to see.

I slowly popped it back in and with my head held high walked back to the house like it was the most normal thing in the world…

Worst. Day. Ever.

Ok, now I’ve laid my soul bare, please share your worst embarrassing story so I don’t feel like a total moron alone.

Sam

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7 thoughts on “Tales of the embarrassed…

  1. Oh my god, I am dying of laughter. It’s just one of those stories that you know at the time will one day be funny but at the time is absolutely mortifying. Thank you so much for sharing and making me smile (we are having a particularly shit filled day here as all the children have an upset stomach!). xxx

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  2. I think one of mine was visiting my mum in hospital and I pulled what I thought was the light switch in the toilet, only to discover – when a medical team came flying in through the door – that it was the emergency cord!

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  3. I too, have a ‘Tit Hanging Out’ story. New baby, old dog with weak bladder … needed to walk dog from 2nd floor flat about 12 times a day. Gay neighbour, walking his dog chatted politely and then said, ‘By the way, your boob is hanging out.’ I’d totally forgotten I’d been mid-feed and had maternity bra open, top flapping , and was flashing to the world!

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