Well, my letter has come through and I’m booked in for the 21st March! Just under 3 weeks time.
Though I know it’s a routine operation and I trust my fabulous surgeon Mr Brown implicitly, I am very nervous. I think psychologically, I associate hospitals with so much pain and missing my family and so my anxiety levels are quite high thinking about surgery.
I even thought about cancelling, I just got myself in a bit of a panic and was thinking that the hernia isn’t that bad and that I could live with it. The reality is that it isn’t as bad as the last one. But it is uncomfortable every day and stops me doing things. It’s a sharp sickly pain when it pops out but because it’s not agony, I was thinking maybe I should wait.
I got over myself though and know I need this surgery to help me feel like I’m back on the road to recovery and so I will be going ahead.
I’m hoping that the change in environment may help my anxiety. I’ve never been to this hospital before and so it’s a different feeling to going ‘back’ to the Northern General. The place looks gorgeous and I’ll hopefully only be in for one night.
As with all surgeries, I have this panic that I won’t wake up. But I trust Mr Brown and really do feel like I’m in the safest hands and so I need to try to let go of that fear and accept that I will be cared for.
The kids are upset about me going back in. They always get very concerned when I have to go into hospitals even if it’s just for a clinic visit, as they are afraid I will stay there for a couple of weeks. But I have assured them that it will be a brief stay, the doctors say one night in, and this hospital doesn’t have set visiting hours and I will have a private room so they should be able to visit me whenever they like. This really helps Timm as trying to arrange visits and school runs was quite stressful for him before.
I am having an operation on an Incisional Hernia, which means the weakness is where they cut me for the stoma, this is my second hernia op in a year and unfortunately the chances of it coming back are quite high. But I will plod on in the hope that one year I will go a full 12 months without any surgery!!
I will, of course be blogging up to and after my surgery, so do keep reading!